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Post by Stinky on Dec 21, 2021 16:48:20 GMT 1
As a Service Brat, I was schooled in many foreign climes. Sometimes I was at a school for a couple of years, sometimes just a couple of months. I kept some scribbled diaries and this is an update on one of those scribblings. I am ashamed that I cannot remember her name. I was at that school just a few weeks. . Back from another overseas posting.
Usual organised mayhem, and we arrive.
No Married Quarters available and so we stay at Granny and Grandad’s two up and down with outside loo.
We five double the occupancy.
And the local council puts us kids into a school.
Any school.
And not together.
They object to their obligation to service families and it is us kids that suffer.
The Voice refuses to separate my sisters aged six and eight.
Just back from Kenya and they know nobody.
The powers that be cave and they go to the same school.
And I to mine.
I am ten, deeply tanned and starting school halfway through term on a Thursday afternoon in Bawtry.
I have my first beating that afternoon.
New boy.
Friday and I see her.
Pretty, confident and surrounded by friends.
I am on my own.
An outsider.
Wrong accent.
Wrong everything.
And another beating, but Hagan taught me well.
And one boy has to go to Matron.
I see nothing but her.
Unbelievable.
She has looked at me, said hello and smiled.
Her look makes me smile and my lip starts bleeding again.
Lunchtime queue.
School dinners.
After two years of sandwich lunches , I cannot wait.
An arm brushes mine.
And a gentle hand just folds into mine.
And I cannot help the grin from within.
And my lip bleeds again.
But she is holding my hand.
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Veem
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Post by Veem on Dec 21, 2021 17:28:23 GMT 1
Ah. Young love. So deep, but you forgot her name ...............
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Nifty
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Post by Nifty on Dec 21, 2021 18:00:14 GMT 1
Mary F. Lyn S. Miriam H. Julie P. Katie M. Julia F. Bryonie H. Then I left school and ‘69 began……..
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Nifty
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Post by Nifty on Jan 30, 2022 11:54:32 GMT 1
Or The Pandora Paradox of Love at first sight.
July 1976
Dear Nifty,
I love you Darl Darl.
I am writing to you in case you don’t come home this weekend after all. And if you do I shall be 100% thrillighted.
I have a message for you. Your mother phoned me at work today to say she’d had a letter for you (“ which I opened of course”) This letter was from a firm asking you if you still wanted to stay on the list for work in Saudi Arabia, and enclosed a form. She is posting it to me to give to you. OK baby? She was in Taplow having a few days off with Mark. I told her that Neil and Robert were in Cornwall on holiday and that you were coming home this Thursday then going down to join them PTO I like it better that way 2 I don’t know how your mother tracked me down- I didn’t even know how she new my surname or where I worked! She sends her love and hopes that you will pop in to see her some time. (and me).
Anyway, what other news. Yes, I missed you really badly last night. I suppose it’s remembering it’s so close to your return home. I had the most beautiful wank but I did wish that it was you! Oh well…. ….
Oh the desire. I want you so much. I love you baby.
Guess who came to see me yesterday ? Tim H. We had a “ remember the good old days “ type of evening. I think that I annoyed him a bit by keeping on about “I love Nifty and I know he loves me and the more I get to know him the more I respect, admire, love and see the true gentleman in him “. Having talked to someone else about my feelings for you, I realise I haven’t told you very much excepted the female emotion type things like I love you, you’re sexy, I want to marry you, I want a baby, etcettera. So while I think I must tell you that the more Insee of you, the more I think of you. Robert sums it up all very nicely with his “Nifty is a good man”. But I think that you’re intelligent ( it surprises me every day) and sensible. Witty and tremendous fun. Yet you don’t back-chat. You only say what you think; what you mean. After you’ve worked it out in your mind and argued quietly back and fourth in your head. I respect you because you have got your head screwed on and you never do anything stupid. You always think first. I admire you because you are a real man, and a good honest, sensitive and considerate one. You always act superficially as though you are careless, law-breaking, inconsiderate, generous and selfish, but deep down you’re got real values which you sorties accidentally PTO 4 Reveal. Things like tidying up and doing the shopping and ‘cooking even though there’s no room in here and you are tired and broke.
Things like protecting me then getting cross because because something might have happened to me and and you are being angry to relieve the tension or worry.
Things like the gentle way you make love and always know when I have reached the end of my tether then come and kiss me and put you arm round me.
Things like appreciating the silly things I like to do to you like washing your feet or your hair, or rubbing your back, and showing me that you know I love you and tenderly and uncomprehendingly accepting it. You’re so patient. You are strong in sprit and aren’t ashamed of accepting comfort when you need it. You are so gentle and appreciate beautiful things and living things and you know their minds. You are clever and have a logical mind yet at the same time you’re humane and cynical. 5 You never accept things at face value. You always research everything in “facts” “ the system” “ motives” all backed up by carefully thought out- and based on experience answers.
You are tactful while appearing to be surly. You are listening while pretending to be bored. You take small, seemingly, in important things and look deeply into them and quietly add them to the mixtures in your mind, to be used in the useful - for -future - problems category.
You recognise and learn from other people’s talents and experiences while calling the crawling mass and slandering them.
You are spontaneous and uninhibited while appearing slow and shy.
Anyway, that’s not the millionth part of it - everything I’ve just put into words has clicked. All those apparent inconsistencies in your character aren’t inconsistent at all.!!
When I ask myself why I love you I can hardly say, and telling other people how great PTO 6 You are has made some of those wiggling reasons which I couldn’t put my finger on, click into place. And there’s many more which I hardly recognise, so I can see my love, admiration, appreciation and respect for you, growing and growing and there’s so much to learn and it’s so exciting.
And we do so much together.
I’m starting to know what it means when life is full of constant, new and renewed discovery. And you learn more about and people by knowing and getting to know better not more people but one person. And through that one person, you get to know your self better.
It’s so fantastic I can hardly believe it. I know I’ve said it before, but each time my eyes open wider, I can hardly believe the revelation and the knowledge of future rewards and revelations. The realisation of what life is and what love is, is slowly dawning on me, and each time another tiny flash of realisation hits me I feel so amazed and can hardly comprehend that life and love will continue to unfold in such a wonderful and tantalising way. 7 Tantalising because there’s something just in view but just out of the grasp of my mind, and wonderful because when you do suddenly grasp it and another seemingly tiny and unimportant fact clicks into place, there’s always a whole new vista laid out to explore and wonderfully get to know.
Now apply that last paragraph to my ever growing love for you. And I can that the whole of life and growing up are all inextricably bound. And all so exciting.
And you’ve taught me something which tides you over when all seems black and doom-laden. ( I remember writing you a doom-laden letter not long ago.) This feeling usually precedes another flash of realisation. And what you’ve taught me to tide me over while waiting for the new vista to ope is trust. Trust. And I trust you even more. And I know that next time I get doom laden and then have another joy filled inspiration, you’ll have taught me something else. Or even a tiny variation on the theme of twist. What a strange and wonderful world this is, all bound up in love and in life. DNA strikes again.
8 Another inexplicable random chemical explosion, as yet undiscovered by science, has occurred in my brain, causing a tiny fluctuation of current which has resulted in, figuratively, another opening of the eyes.
So I shall tell you again what I’ve told you so often before, yet Before I didn’t know the millionth part of what I was saying. And as I say it it again, now, enlightened, I know that I shall say it again in the future, even more enlightened. And that is ‘ Nifty I love you.You are a good man’
Isn’t it amazing that such seemingly simple words can mean so much and can continue to grow in meaning.
Let me say goodnight now my darling. And I do hope that you trust me as I trust you because I know that trust is a wonderful and important thing and you’ve taught me that.
I love you and I trust you, Nifty, and I mean that, yet knowing the meaning of what I say, makes me know that it will continue to develop and grow beyond my present comprehension and it’s my future trust - in you and what I say to you - that will equip me to look back to this moment and wonder how how I dared to say ‘I love you’ tonight, just as I am wondering how I dared say ‘I love you Nifty’ to you one year ago and really meant it……
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FFS
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As usual, in front of my laptop when I'm here
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Post by FFS on Jan 30, 2022 18:03:21 GMT 1
Nifty, I do so hope she is Mrs Nifty.
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Nifty
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Post by Nifty on Jan 30, 2022 19:34:50 GMT 1
Unfortunately, perhaps, she is not. She had a very lucky escape. I am going through a pretty grim time at present, but, there is method in there some where. catharsis is the idea. One hopes.
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Nifty
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Post by Nifty on Feb 1, 2022 16:52:16 GMT 1
15/1/76
C/o Alexandra Hotel from East Africa
‘My Dearest Darleegest N Well, eold beoy, ay’ve jest hed en eehivnng weth sem eohld Colonialists. End what en eehvning, what? Ectually, et was rahthah a good tame and aeh thorht, old beoy, thet, hed yooh bin heear, you would hev enjoyed et. My old Kenya accent (sorry, old chap, my old Oxford - or is it Cambridge- accent) flowed back just like old times.
Well totted with booze,the Cock Robin joke went down well, and my most 2 favourite wide-mouthed frog joke was told but Kenyan style with a lion as finale (and “oh shot”) and giraffe and zebra in the plains . So my favourite joke must be now world wide (yes, it was told to me and yes, I did laugh!)
I do wish that you had been here tonight. You would have so enjoyed it. The perfect image of snobbery. I’ll tell you more perhaps when I next see you, so do remind me !
Yesterday, Wednesday, what did I do ? I read and read that book. You must read it. (That James Jones one) I think nothing happened last night. I can’t honestly remember. Oh yes. It was supper time. Sammy (youngest boy aged 5 - who sleeps with me now !) was dispatched to wash his hands. “Mummy, there’s a spider in your bathroom. You would not like it” Out went inspection. It was a large (understatement of the year) tarantula, a bird eating spider. Crouching evilly at the bathroom door. Dad said, “Mum, get the broom”. Mum said “ J, get the broom”. I said, “ Sam,get the broom”. 4 Sam went to the kitchen. He said, Louis, I ete broom” Dad said, “ J, here is the broom, get that spider.” You know my TERROR of spiders. I know Dad’s terror of spiders. “Why don’t you,” I said. Eventually I struck. The broom (as I had fearfully predicted) missed by a good 12 inches. The enormous spider jumped into the air. Dad and I (accounting for exaggerations) reckon about 2 feet. It then made a beeline towards us. Just behind us was Dad’s bed. So he leapt into action and after typical African-style flailing of weaponry managed to beat the ugly creature to pulp. Then it’s long legs were swept up. YECH. This made quite a good party story tonight. With Dad’s well inside, with action replay, this mime of the crouching evil spider was hilarious. M+D are pissed (I suppose I must be, too) and they fought over who was going to drive home. Now Mum’s stomped off to sleep in another room. Insults flying. I’m waiting for the drunken randiness to come on and then there will be feet in the courtyard followed by groanings and heavings. (Wish you were hear. But then you don’t like me when I smell of a docker!) I spent quite a lot of time tramping about on the new plot, ‘supervising’ the building - again I thought of you and how you’d love it here - and measuring up the roof tiles, and working out where windows should finally go. It’s super building ones own house. Guess what ? I haven’t had an argument with Mum yet ! The all-time record. ( I wonder if there will be one tomorrow) It’s super to be at home having tea or cold beer or Gin and Tonic on the veranda, watching and listening to the birds, talking important things like which plants grow because the hyrax and giraffe like eating such and such variety, and what a lousy telephone service there is, and how strong or weak people like their tea, and how to sew French seams. Darling I’VE LEARNT HOW TO DO FRENCH SEAMS!
The Levi jeans seams. So your next pair of trousers , with lower zip front, can have those much coveted seams! I reckon Mr. Nifty, that I am in love with you. It feels so GOOD. I feel great. (You’re pissed, lady) I wonder what this year has in store for me. For you. For us. I’m planning to come back here for a more prolonged period, get a job, then go to the States.
By the way, do you know how to use French letters. I’m really worried about not being on the pill and how we are going to cope in February / March together. Perhaps we can just make it together in other ways. (The mind boggles. Just don’t forget the Vaseline. I am not risking my arse-hole without the usual lubrication, obtainable in the next door hole - but one, of which we normany avail ourselves.) But I beg you now while we’re controlled and apart, DON’T let me let you fuck me without some form of anti sperm barrier, as I’m truly afraid it might ruin my whole life. (but not yours, you B) Is your Scottish lover pregnant? Today I went through a state of the insineries (?) about your infidelity, but I suppose it’s better that way. For both of us. As for me, I’m so very much in love with you (silly girl) that no other bloke could possibly attract me. I think that you are great. I phoned the airport today and I’ll be flying 1 1 Sunday or Monday Hasn’t the time flown! I’ll keep writing. I’ll ring you. Oh my darling Nifty I love you so much. / well, booze does have this effect!) Actually, I think about you a lot. Hope you’re being CAREFUL Hope you are in love with some tangible and triable broad ( so much easier that way, than this way I am) But I hope I can see you soon. And I hope that when you do, you will love me again. It is such a strange feeling loved. I’ve never felt that way before, or thought 12 that it mattered. I hope what I say doesn’t give you a guilty conscience or any sort of brainache, but if it does, please tell me to cut it out. I feel like a sort of slave to you yet sometimes I feel like a queen and you’re just a little boy or subservient nave who needs to be loved and cared for. I shall never be unfaithful to you, Nifty, because I know how much it hurts you. And that hurt is so much greater than the sallow and transient pleasure of a playful sexual interval for me. I feel terribly hurt about 13 your “affairs” today. I don’t know why but I felt really depressed and miserable. When it’s bad like that I feel like getting on a plane to Fort William and jacking everything in elsewhere, and coming to you and telling you how very much I love you and how much it hurts to know that any arse can have you for the asking. (Forgiving the pun, arseking) Then I ask myself what is to little emotional scene is about. Who am I to deprive you of other interests, other loves, that exiting new feeling 14 That comes when you think you might have a chance, a chance of a new body, a new shared experience The anticipation of the first new lover is so glorious. But you still, even without that unknown freshness, make my heart do DONK! And Instill remember the exited freshness of those early days ever we’d had it away, wondering whether we ever would, and what would eventually happen. Goodnight, Baby. Remember I love you. l’ll ring you when I get back. And I’ll keep writing. All my love. Jxx 15 PS. Talking of sex I’m practicing a new vaginal technique ( I can really feel it on my fingers) which you might like. But with you I always feel so loose. I never feel like a tight-cuter virgin. If you complain again I think I’ll go and have a shit and some tightening stitches put I (or is it up?) By the way that creature that clicks and screams in the night (hyena or bird ?) Is at it now! But when I say things like that I must be MAD because
Only about 45 pages to transcribe
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Nifty
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Post by Nifty on Feb 2, 2022 11:22:47 GMT 1
We had a few naked lunches. At some time one of us picked something on the road, but, at that point, did not get too cut-up about it; keeping dead-on-time to another beat……. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_S._Burroughs
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