mysty
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Posts: 1,268
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Jokes
Apr 16, 2023 16:09:08 GMT 1
Post by mysty on Apr 16, 2023 16:09:08 GMT 1
Why is turkey feed always cheaper in December They are stuffed
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mysty
Member
Posts: 1,268
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Jokes
Jun 6, 2023 16:20:04 GMT 1
via mobile
mysty likes this
Post by mysty on Jun 6, 2023 16:20:04 GMT 1
Why did the snowman golf champion have to change his socks.
He got a hole in one.
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Aardvark
Non-gamer
Living in soggy 22 and still wondering what's going on.
Posts: 2,172
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Post by Aardvark on Jun 6, 2023 17:46:54 GMT 1
Don't give up your day job.
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mysty
Member
Posts: 1,268
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Jokes
Jun 6, 2023 22:25:30 GMT 1
via mobile
Post by mysty on Jun 6, 2023 22:25:30 GMT 1
Don't give up your day job. You don't become a great comedian over night and I just got a like . 😴
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ajm
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Posts: 1,117
Member is Online
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Jokes
Jun 9, 2023 15:11:04 GMT 1
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Post by ajm on Jun 9, 2023 15:11:04 GMT 1
The family all laughed when I said I was to become a comedian. They're not laughing now!
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Jokes
Jun 16, 2023 16:34:55 GMT 1
Post by Nutty on Jun 16, 2023 16:34:55 GMT 1
Always liked the "Far Side"..
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mysty
Member
Posts: 1,268
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Jokes
Jun 17, 2023 5:38:21 GMT 1
via mobile
Post by mysty on Jun 17, 2023 5:38:21 GMT 1
Do you know why snowmen don't move they tried to drink canada dry. ☺
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Nifty
Member
Posts: 4,978
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Jokes
Jun 20, 2023 15:39:57 GMT 1
Post by Nifty on Jun 20, 2023 15:39:57 GMT 1
A duck waddled into a chemist and brought a chapstick. Counter assistant asked will that be cash or charge? Duck says neither, put it on my bill.
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Jokes
Jun 25, 2023 21:33:10 GMT 1
Post by houpla on Jun 25, 2023 21:33:10 GMT 1
I do hope this doesn't offend any blind people who happen to see it
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Nifty
Member
Posts: 4,978
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Jokes
Jun 26, 2023 3:37:52 GMT 1
Post by Nifty on Jun 26, 2023 3:37:52 GMT 1
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender.
"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that" says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted bartender cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him:
"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus," says the bartender.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?"
"Yeah!" the bartender replies.
"With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck.
"Of course," the bartender replies.
"And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the bartender.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says: "What would they want with a plasterer???"
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Nifty
Member
Posts: 4,978
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Jokes
Jul 14, 2023 4:28:24 GMT 1
Post by Nifty on Jul 14, 2023 4:28:24 GMT 1
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curtis
Member
Charente Maritime
Posts: 474
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Post by curtis on Jul 18, 2023 17:29:13 GMT 1
Dans un compartiment de train, il y a un prêtre et deux appelés qui viennent d’être libérés du service militaire. Pas le prêtre... les appelés...
- Moi dit le premier, en arrivant chez moi, je vais fêter mon retour avec mes potes. Crois-moi, pendant un sacré bout de temps, je serai bourré tous les soirs ! Je vais me prendre des cuites d’enfer !
- Moi, fait l’autre, je vais me taper des filles ! Plein de gonzesses, une par jour, peut-être même plusieurs ! Je vais faire que ça toute la journée !
Une demi-heure passe, et un des deux bidasses, qui s’est mis à lire le journal, demande à son copain :
- C’est quoi un lumbago ?
- Je sais pas…
- Et vous Monsieur le curé, vous savez ce que c’est ?
Le prêtre, qui avait entendu, outré par la conversation précédente, répond d’un ton sec
- C’est une affection extrêmement grave et douloureuse qui frappe les alcooliques invétérés et les obsédés qui se livrent à des orgies sexuelles !
Quelques secondes s’écoulent, puis le prêtre demande :
- Au fait, pourquoi vous me demandez ça ?
- Oh, pour rien… C’est parce que dans le journal, ils disent que le pape souffre d’un lumbago !
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mysty
Member
Posts: 1,268
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Jokes
Aug 3, 2023 15:00:43 GMT 1
Post by mysty on Aug 3, 2023 15:00:43 GMT 1
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Nifty
Member
Posts: 4,978
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Jokes
Aug 4, 2023 16:24:38 GMT 1
Post by Nifty on Aug 4, 2023 16:24:38 GMT 1
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Aardvark
Non-gamer
Living in soggy 22 and still wondering what's going on.
Posts: 2,172
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Jokes
Aug 4, 2023 19:05:20 GMT 1
Post by Aardvark on Aug 4, 2023 19:05:20 GMT 1
Sunak was on the radio this week, and he was spouting nonsense about doing well with those promises. Sheer Johnson-style BS.
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