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Post by limousinlady on Dec 18, 2023 16:31:22 GMT 1
My sympathies to you LL. We’ve now instigated lawyers to help obtain NHS continuous healthcare funding. My mother should be eligible but the nhs gatekeepers keep insisting she isn’t. It’s frustrating, stressful and you go up against bloody minded attitude. There is no definition of a “primary healthcare need” so it’s open to interpretation. We’re paying approx £6000 per month. Fortunately the care home and its staff provide excellent care to my 100 year old mother. Thank you. The funding system is so unfair, it makes you wonder why we save in the first place! Yes, I'm not au fait with the way things are funded as my sister took care of the payments, but I know it was nearly £1800 per week. All we want is for our loved ones is to be given the best care possible. Your mother is a good age, I hope she is still enjoying her life. My mother was 88 and in the last few years dementia took hold, but only in the last couple of months was she completely 'not herself'. I wish you good luck with your battle, one that no-one needs. |
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Post by cernunnos on Dec 21, 2023 16:16:29 GMT 1
I decided it would be good to have legal insurance. It's a long winded process and I have yet to send the legally required response form to the clinique because one of the first problems to emerge 4 years ago was balance/equilibre and a decline in her writing ability. As of now she cannot write her signature which causes huge problems. Hindsight as always is wonderful but I have to say it never occurred to me to get a lasting power of attorney, don't forget we left the UK nearly 24 years ago. Re. lapourtaider's invaluable advice - I'm really angry because my wife had her last real epilectic seizure in january. a few weeks after she came home I stopped the epilectic drug and within two months the terrible side effects were gone, along with the slurred speech. For 9 months she was fine, could hold conversations with her UK friends and family via Whats App and though she could only write very slowly, she could. I realise now that I should have got her to do the financial business then but the 3 falls happened out of the blue. Once I have resolved the finance problem, it's not a lack of funds like it is for so many poor souls, it's getting access. For those who havn't already, getting power of attorney is vital, better still is lasting power of attorney. I just wish her many friends had mentioned this years ago. At 81 Angela was really fit, as for a much younger woman and all her marbles were there. Thanks for jogging my mind iolar , we are just back from our Notaire having signed a "procuration general" for the both of us . We already had signed a " donation entre epouses " 5 years ago , so have everything sorted out as far as I can see. Hope your problems become less in the near future.
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Post by iolar on Dec 22, 2023 14:53:17 GMT 1
Limousinlady et al,
the quality of care or lack of it has nothing to do with how much a care home/maison de retraite charges or which country it is in. My wife has/had a team of 3 district nurses on a rota system. All 3 stated clearly that it was better to keep my wife at home. Irrespective of cost we both promised each other a long, long time ago that a care home was a no-no for either of us. Of course this was easier for me to say because of a big difference in physical strength and as I know already, being able to move a person or not is a big reason why for some a care home is reluctantly the only answer. Care homes are no different from hospitals and doctors - it's a lottery. Does anyone remember the case of Cliff Richard's mother in a very expensive nursing home being neglected and abused. Of course he had the money to have a 'granny flat or small house' built on his property but chose not to. The social workers and the Hove general's female social worker wilfuly put my father into the 'care' of my sister who at the end of his life dumped him in a home. My then partner Angela and I managed to rescue him so that he spent the last weeks of his life with us. It was with great pleasure that I was able to do for him what he had done for me as a baby - the circle of life.
A very good indicator of just how good or bad the society you live in is, is how the very young and the very old are treated. As a boy and because I was a Celt born in England I didn't trust what passed for history lessons. I realised as young as 12 that it was propaganda disguised as history lessons so sought out other versions. Sad to say but what I found was that whatever part of the UK you come from the history 'lessons' were the same. It goes back a long way.
Wounded soldiers who survived the butchers knives with amputations after Waterloo were treated worse than lepers when they got back to the UK - were told to go away and die somewhere else. I don't know if it's the same today but it was the case and maybe still is that when married soldier died his wife had only 6 months of tenure in an army house. A German war widow after WW11 received a pension 5 x times that of a British war widow. On French public transport there was always a seat reserved for veterans. The French shut down the centre of Paris on the 11th day of the 11th month, I've never heard of a single French person complaining. In England you musn't interfere with business, that comes first.
Remember when the residential property market collapsed in 89/90 - the government could have bought up at rock bottom prices loads of property to be converted in care homes or for renting so crushing the private landlord market and in the process saving billions in the years ahead - not a snow balls chance of any party ever doing that.It's not a question of politics, it's a question of mentality.
It looks now that because Angela was kept bed bound for 46 days she may never walk again and and it all comes down to 'making money'. A long long time ago I always judged a person by asking a very simple question of them - is business a function of society or - is society a function of business.
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Post by iolar on Dec 30, 2023 17:03:23 GMT 1
As a follow-up - my wife is receiving better care in the Sante Barbe than she did in the Claude Bernard but it could definitely be better. They now 'mostly' fit her hearing aids but not always properly. When she goes for kine they don't put her distance spectacles on which she needs to help with her balance.
It used to be the case that the patient's charts and info were located at the bottom of the bed, now the bed is controlled by an electronic device where the chart would be. However there is a big board on the wall which is where 'all' the patient's specific info should be - far too simple.
The other day I prepared a letter for the medicant in French and for the first time since October 15th I was told all the facts about my wife and her meds. It now appears that an operation could be dangerous for my wife because of the fragile state of the arteries in my wife's brain. As I rightly thought some days ago my wife is given a sedatif because she throws off her bedclothes.There are only at most 2 other patients who aren't ambulatory and need that little bit of extra care but they aren't getting it.
I now know which dementia my wife has - it's vascular - why wasn't I told this over 2 years ago. She should be coming home on January 3rd, still with a broken arm and now virtually unable to walk but with a medical bed and an armchair that she can't get out of there should be no more falls
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Post by sw31girl on Jan 2, 2024 16:17:48 GMT 1
You and your wife are going through an aweful time. I sincerely hope that, once home, both of you will be less stressed. Is there someone who you can talk to in order to get as much help as you can to help you both?
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Veem
Member
Posts: 12,230
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Post by Veem on Jan 2, 2024 17:29:16 GMT 1
My last experience of a UK care home was from January 2002 - September 2003 when my father died. The home came highly recommended and I had no problems with the care my father received.
The one thing I found to be truly irksome and unforgettable was that, after my father's death, I was charged one month's care fees 'in lieu of notice'. I found that to be somewhat blunt and unsympathetic.
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Post by iolar on Jan 7, 2024 14:23:18 GMT 1
My wife was discharged from the local clinic 4 days ago. In the first clinic in Albi she acquired a nasty cough which continued at the reeducation in the local clinique. he received no medication for this bad cough, nor on leaving.
The doctor in charge of the SSR unit was approachable but it was obvious that the nurses didn't follow the protocol as specified for each patient.
Many of the nurses wore spectacles but not one bothered to clean hers.
I told the doctor that she needed to wear her distance specs. for kine, no one bothered to see she was wearing them. One day she had returned from Kine missing one slipper - no one had noticed. The kine was completely ineffective and sometimes it was only twice a week.
She was put in a room as far from the nurses as possible. There was ever only one other patient who needed help on a level with my wife.
It's been a nightmare ever since she came home. Part of her dementia is constantly uncovering herself and removing clothing and bed linen.
Her new district nurses are male and spend far more time with her than her previous female nurses.
Today Gerome (one of the male nurses) managed to arrange a home visit with a doctor. He came this morning and immediately wrote an ordinance for an inhaler device and anti-biotics - why was this treatment not automatic at the two cliniques. He agreed along with Gerome that it is impossible for me to look after her at home. This doctor also concurred that the law allows for my wife or me to refuse treatment.
I can see another night without sleep as she constantly keeps uncovering herself. I'm certain that this behaviour will stop after a month or so without the epilectic drugs and this I will enforce now I know what law to quote.
With what I now know there is no way I would allow myself to be sent to a geriatric ward on the basis of 2 cliniques and one hospital. that will not be my fate unless I'm quadriplegic.
My friend Jean-Luc was very helpful as usual with his interpretating skills. He happened to mention that from January 1st this year at the worst clinique the number of doctors was to be reduced down to 4 - it isn't going to get better.
Two of the male district nurses openly stated what one forum member said - 'there are two Frances' the big cities and rural France. Having had many conversations with the gilet jaune, this was the reason for their existence.
Having been seriously into experimental psychology long ago I think there may well be a link between childhood and dementia. What I do know is that dementia is hard, very hard for carers to deal with.
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Post by limousinlady on Jan 7, 2024 16:20:51 GMT 1
This is very sad. Wishing you strength. Take time for yourself when you can. Best wishes to you and your wife.
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Post by jackie on Jan 8, 2024 13:46:47 GMT 1
Oh Iolar - it must be so awful for you, hope things improve xx
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Post by iolar on Jan 8, 2024 15:24:43 GMT 1
A big thank you and lots of hugs for all your kind words.
The inhaler has made a big difference and I'm sure the antibiotics are beginning to have an effect. The EU should be taking the lead to create a Europe wide approach to dealing with the elderly and the very young. There's plenty of young people out of work in a lot of EU countries - what better way to get them to confront their futures now being employed in directly helping the elderly and the very young. The British and the French establishments are still playing at Empires, spending fortunes on weapons of war. The bulge in old people will soon be gone but not the crazy cost of living forcing both parents to work still leaves much more support for the young children - the cost of daycare is crazy. Scandinavia manages to find the money for good daycare facilities for the old and the young, also ageism is illegal in Scandinavia. I think my friend Jean-Luc rues the day he left Sweden to work in Ukraine and then to return to France. A highly skilled catering and hotel manager who got just one job interview in 18 months on coming home to France. With one brother he now looks after his mother with dementia and another brother with mental health problems - no one said life has to be fair.
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Post by jardiniere on Jan 9, 2024 14:50:29 GMT 1
What I do know is that dementia is hard, very hard for carers to deal with. It is indeed and only other carers really understand. I hope you're aware of the UK Alzheimers Dementia Support Forum where carers share advice and experiences? forum.alzheimers.org.uk/ It concerns all forms of dementia, not just Alzheimers. |
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Post by iolar on Jan 10, 2024 11:15:16 GMT 1
What I do know is that dementia is hard, very hard for carers to deal with. It is indeed and only other carers really understand. I hope you're aware of the UK Alzheimers Dementia Support Forum where carers share advice and experiences? forum.alzheimers.org.uk/ It concerns all forms of dementia, not just Alzheimers. Yesterday, last night and this morning was a classic example of going from good to bad. Having taken her off the epilepsy med, she is definitely regaining cognitive ability. During the day she was fine. The male district nurse comes @ 17.50 to move her from motorised chair to bed and wash and change her. The nebuliser and antibiotic are beginning to work. I admit I used a can of food last night, normally all our meals are made from scratch, I taught myself to cook a long time before I met Angela, junk food and crap like Coca-Cola I ditched in my 20s. I make up a desert plate of fresh fruit. I had given her a Seresta pill to help her sleep. Went to bed thinking I would have an uninteruppted night's sleep. Angela called out something @ 2.38AM. Went down to find she had worked her way down the bed and had her legs dangled over the side. Removed the big nappy. Watching the nurse I know now how to move her (she still has the untreated broken upper right arm), put a new nappy on, resettled her and went back to bed. At 8AM she was calling me, went down to find she had removed the nappy, peed the bed, removed the bandage on her leg that she had damaged a few days before. So had to remove the nighty, bed socks, sheet. Washed and cleaned the plastic sheet, dried it, Washed Angela and dried her. Fitted a new sheet, fitted a new nappy and a clean night dress and fresh bedsocks, applied Betadene and redressed the leg, got her covered up, gave her the 1st antibiotic in water, put her on the nebuliser, put on a wash and then Gerome the nurse arrived. Gerome sent a message in French to the doctor you can't get in touch with. @ 10AM I managed to make myself a cup of tea. I can see how easy it is for a carer to lose their temper, in the past I have done so, now I take a deep breathe and start laughing. From the nurses I have learned how to move Angela with her untreated broken upper arm. She now weighs only about 40K if she was fat like so many people are today, it would be impossible. I doubt she will ever walk again thanks to the atrocious and negative doctor in the clinique in Albi. She needs daily kinetherapie, at least 2 hours a day. I don't having to pay for that, it's a case of finding a couple of people trained to do it. There are only two kinetherapie clinics in Carmaux with a large elderly population that simply isn't enough. |
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Post by iolar on Jan 16, 2024 12:32:25 GMT 1
Jerome, one of our two male district nurses has been so helpful and informative. Yesterday he went out of his way to go to the crap doctor's surgery why, because even though he has left messages on the doctor's mobile and put one on my mobile - no reply. You can't leave an email because it's full.
He couldn't believe the number of people waiting to see him, luckily he managed to get an RDV for Angela tomorrow morning.
He told me this morning how much he gets paid for each visit, this explains why the former district nurses rushed the visits. He get's paid €15 per visit, after deductions he is left with €6.
Take a look at the number of directors each hospital has and their enormous salaries, look at the number of managers in an NHS hospital before Thatcher they didn't exist.
He also explained why the hospitals fit those enormous diapers. Because it would take two nurses to lift people like my wife to the toilet, even though she only weighs around 40 kilos. The debilitating mental effect on having to wear these diapers is of no account.
I think that soon all this maybe over, I hope so for Angela's sake.
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Post by houpla on Jan 17, 2024 1:00:50 GMT 1
It gets to that stage, doesn’t it, iolar? I had 4 years of looking after my mother from (late) diagnosis of Alzheimer’s to her release ( and ours). Can’t help feeling that the human race has got it’s priorities twisted, when animals are released from hopeless distress but people, no. Sounds like you’ve got a gem there, in Jérôme. Can only wish you ’bon courage’.
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Post by iolar on Feb 19, 2024 14:16:53 GMT 1
A positive update.
Having stopped the epilepsy drugs as soon as she got home after Christmas and a month ago diazepam (one of the junkies favourites) and Seresto, the sleeping pill I'm pleased to say Angela is back with us. Our medicant never kept the RDV made for us by Jerome and I had to go and wait the'normal'3 hours to see him. He actually came when he said he would and it happened to coincide with the district nurse's daily morning visit.
Whilst he was sitting in our lounge reading the b/s, lying letter from the local clinique which said that Angela couldn't walk, aided by that day's nurse Tomas the ex rugby player and myself, Angela came walking through the lounge right past him. The letter also said she was incontinent, no she isn't but as it still takes two people to assist her to use the commode she has to use these enormous nappies. In the evening visit with help she is able to use the commode, so much better for her mentally. The doctor said without the epilepsy medication she could have another attack, which she could but will it be fatal. With a sound heart and lungs unlikely and he prescribed 6 vials of injectable Valium so we are covered if she does. Only with drastically changed teaching of doctors and nurses will their attitude and mentality change. They are obsessed with keeping a patient breathing - quality of life for far too many is irrelevant. When they say 'a patient has survived for x amount of time with this new med'. so what, if survival doesn't mean living then houpla's comments are spot on.
She seems to have returned to how she was in 2021. No slurred speech at all, memory far better
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