Big poll in China 

An Englishman is having breakfast in Paris one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: 'You English folk eat the whole bread?'

Englishman: 'Of course.'

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to England .' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat jam with the bread?'

Englishman remains dignified, not wishing to offend: 'Of course.'

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling). 'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England .'

The Frenchman looks very smug, sits back in his seat and crosses his legs. After a lengthy silence, The Englishman asks politely: 'May I ask, do you have sex in France ?'

Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk. 'We are well known for our sexual prowess. Not like you cold Englishmen.'

Englishman: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'

Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course.'

Englishman: 'Ah.... that's where we differ. In England , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France .'

In what capacity?

Hospital car park attendant?

Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

To you, a circle. To me, a Venn diagram showing the relationship between UK anti-vaxxers and Brexiteers.

To celebrate national joke day I ordered a rum and Coke. 
The barman asked, "Pepsi OK?"
"Fine.", says I.
"One Pepsi and Coke coming up!"